A Basic Summary Of 'The Hobbit' In My Understanding

An old little man in a house of cylindrical door opening nook areas writes a story, where he dots his A's with 3 little dots above them, about a time very long ago when dwarf people lived in a mountain and had a great kingdom where they mined for gold to please their dwarf king, who is a hoarder. One particular dwarf was mining when he found a peculiar stone that shone brightly and had colors, and the king claimed it as his own. The fortress prospered until an unidentified dragon attacked and defeated the dwarves, who fled as their elven friends watched from a hill with their reindeer. The elves left with their reindeer and long hair and the dwarves felt betrayed.

Again, it was a much more recent time, and the old man was back, writing a story, with his familiar looking hobbit son.

And again, it was in a time a long time ago but not so long as the time of the dragon-dwarf assault. The old man was instead a young man, frolicking in his hobbit land of little farms and mosses and flowers, when a large, eccentric wizard man came and scribbled an F on his door in some type of blue magical ink. For some reason this F summoned all of the wizard's dwarf friends to come to the young hobbit's house (whose name has turned out to be Bilbo Baggins) and eat all his food. This was a very distressing time in the movie because the dwarves were presumably destroying Mr. Bilbo's house and no questions were answered as to why these large small, rugged men were acting buffoonery. Then a mysterious dwarf arrived late and everyone got serious, they discussed getting their dwarven kingdom back and asked Bilbo to be their burglar and gave him a Terms & Services contract thing. The dwarves got very sad and sang a dismal song. The next morning Bilbo awoke to an empty house, but had a change in heart about being the burglar of the dwarves, and chased after them. He was given a pony when he caught up with them, and reluctantly mounted and they began their journey to somewhere that I don't really know.

Another flashback to an earlier time when a battle was fought against the Turks and their leader whose name was the Defiler (later we learn that Defiler is not actually the leader and it is instead a large creature with a gobble) The hoarder king's head is cut off by Defiler, and his grandson (who is the mysterious dwarf who arrived late) cuts off Defiler's arm using only a log. Dwarves apparently live a very long time so that is why mysterious late-arriver exists in the time long ago and the more recent time with Bilbo.

The dwarves and their hobbit and their wizard of an unknown species continue to venture and I can't remember exactly what happens. The Turks become aware of the dwarf group and begin to chase them.

Next, there is another unnamed dwarf-wizard running through a forest and looking quite grief-stricken, because there are deer and rabbits and other woodland creatures laying dead on the ground. At the sight of an ill hedgehog, the man gets very distressed and takes him back to his hut, where more (and healthier) hedgehogs are revealed. The man makes many attempts to save the hedgehog, but large spiders begin to attack his house. Finally, he pulls a small blue glass apparatus from his box of magic and sucks the soul out of the hedgehog, which saves it and makes the spiders go away. He is very confused by the presence of the spiders so he gets his rabbit sleigh and shimmies over to an abandoned castle.

The group sets up camp at and old farmers shack, and Gandolf (the wizard) runs off. The dwarves discover that two of their ponies have disappeared, and they trick Bilbo into retrieving them from the Trolls that stole the horses. The plan goes awry and Bilbo ends up getting used as a troll Kleenex. The dwarves come to his aid but are incapacitated by the trolls and set up to be cooked. Gandolf comes and splits a rock to reveal the sunrise, which turns the trolls into stone. The dwarves find the cave that the trolls have been hiding out in and they discover Elven swords. The meet up with the hedgehog man and he tells them of the Necromancer he found at the castle, and the sword he retrieved from a bearded ghost man.

The Turks and their dog sidekicks are close by, so Hedgehog man makes a diversion with his rabbit sleigh so the group can escape. They make a precarious getaway under a rock, thanks to a few Elves. The pathway under the rock leads to the Elf city, and the dwarves are mad because they hate them, but they go anyway.

Gandolf talks to weird graceful elf officials, including a beautiful woman that he can speak to in his head, and he shows them the sword that hedgehog man found, which turns out to be buried with an old elf a long time ago. He realizes that the dwarves, including Bilbo, have left without him. They climb through the mountains, and get caught in the middle of a mountain battle, and the rocks that they are standing on become the legs and knees of a giant mountain boxer. They all survive and sleep in a cave, in which the floor collapses in the middle of the night and they are thrown into a trap, where Turk men come and take them away, but Bilbo escapes. One last lonely Turk attacks Bilbo, and they fall deep down into the bottoms of the cave. Bilbo wakes up, hidden behind a rash of mushrooms, and finds a weird little man eating the Turk that fell with him. The little guy drops a ring and Bilbo takes it. The deprived looking man sneaks up on Bilbo, and he turns out to be a raspy-voiced schizophrenic. They play a game of riddles, and Bilbo wins, but Gollum tries to kill Bilbo anyway, and he puts on the ring and suddenly turns invisible, and is sent into a 'sketchy realm.'

Meanwhile, Gandolf comes to the aid of the other dwarves, who are about to be tortured and killed to the musical palette of the Turk leader with a gobble, and they escape in a completely absurd and impossible manner. Bilbo manages to get past Gollum and meets up again with the other dwarves, who thought that he left to return back to his cylindrical doorway hobbit house.

All too soon, the Turks and their canines attack, and the group runs, but they come to a cliff, so they are forced to climb the evergreen trees. The dogs and the Turks and the Defiler arrive, who was previously thought to be dead and a defiler-no-more, and the dogs jump and snap at the trees, who fall in a domino effect, and all the dwarves miraculously transfer to the last evergreen tree at the tip of the cliff. Gandolf finds a rare yellow butterfly that is his friend and says something to it and it flies away.

Defiler is savoring the moment when Gandolf finds a pinecone and lights it with his stick wand thing and throws it into the fallen trees below. Soon the whole group is lighting pinecones and creating pinecone grenades, until the trees below are a giant inferno that the Turks cannot permeate. The tree that the dwarves have taken shelter is is beginning to fall off the cliff, and the dopey looking dwarf and another one dangle from Gandolf's pinecone lighting stick. The mysterious late-arriver decides to be brave and avenge his grandfather, and attacks the Defiler, who defeats him viciously with his large-toothed dog. However, Bilbo attacks and the other dwarves follow suit, and they are starting to gain back the cliff when Gandolf's butterfly's bird cousins swoop in and rescue the Dwarf group. They fly around until they perch on a random cliff and the short-lived birds leave. Mysterious man turns out okay, and pats on the back are given. The group begins to make their way to the mountain inhabited by evil dragon. A smaller and stupider bird hits a nut repeatedly against the Dragon's castle wall, and the irritating tattoo wakes up the dragon and it arises from the gold that it was for some reason laying under.

That is the end of this movie